I'm typing this while staring at two delicious guac boca burgers. I caught up on housework because I'd worked this weekend and was a couple laundry loads behind, washed some new dishes we picked up, deep cleaned our bedroom, and did everything I didn't have time to do yesterday. I made lunch for the boys during my only break. Izzy's been fussy today so there's been plenty of pacing. When Eric got home at five, I started on dinner: meat-friendly burgers (bob evans Italian sausage turned patties, breaded with corn flake crumbs/Parmesan/red pepper flakes) and boca burgers (vegan seems to fry up best for us), each with guacamole on one bun and barbecue sauce+barbecue seasoning on the other bun. Four for Eric, two for Sister B, one each for the boys, and two for me. Paused to give out drinks and make sure Izzy gets his probiotic-intense applesauce. Then I packed it into one bento box for Sister B for tonight's work, and another bento box for Eric to take to work Wednesday night. Then I assembled my dinner. Now I have absolute zero energy to eat it.
I feel like this is something a lot of parents face. You're hungry during the day, but it's your only chance to Get Things Done and if you stop you won't start again despite your best intentions, so you don't stop. Instead, food is the reward for a job well done. It's the light at the end of the tunnel as you fold another load of clothes, clean up another juice spill, and throw toys into the toybox as the baby methodically removes them at the same pace. When you're done, you'll get YOUR food, and sit down and relax and enjoy it, with a cold drink in hand and maybe the newest episode of The Flash or whatever you're binge-watching on Netflix. You daydream about it all day, through the school pickups and poopsplosions (baby claims not to have ever eaten crayon but the colorful paper that faintly says "crayola" in his diaper says otherwise). But as night approaches and the kids are content AWAY from you for the first time in a solid twelve hours, you stare at your plate and cup and just can't. The energy is gone. Instead of taking a bite, chewing, swallowing, and repeating until the food is gone and the cup is empty... you want to collapse in bed. Dinner now seems like an enormous inconvenience. But food = energy. If you're a breastfeeding mom, you need it to make milk, too. And either way, you've been starving all. day. You know your body needs it. But you suddenly have no appetite.
Parents sacrifice so much of themselves for their kids and spouses. It's really, really hard to figure out how to take care of yourself, too. You might remember proudly to schedule a nail appointment or a girls night out, because that's special and fun, but you need to remember the basics, too. And carving out THAT time and willpower is hard.
Do you force yourself to eat anyway at the end of the day? Are you one of those who can take a break and then motivate themselves to keep going afterwards? How do you strike a balance?
My husband is giving me The Look, and hopefully I can just wrap these guac burgers up, put the kids in bed, reheat my food, and shove it in my face while marathoning Supergirl or Game Grumps on Youtube.
To all the other parents caught in this endless loop, good luck.