Tuesday there was still no improvement with Barky, so I took him back to the vet. Eric stayed with the boys at his mom's so they could run around her huge yard. The vet ran tests, got some xrays, and examined him thoroughly, and determined that Barky had something neurological going on. There were three other vets there at the time, and none had ever seen anything like that. His lungs and stomach were clear. One set of lymph nodes were enormous. The entire right side of his face was drooping and wouldn't stop twitching. He was up to date and had all the REALLY GOOD shots. The vet tried to get us in to State of Michigan's neurologists, but they were booked full for a while. The next option was an animal neurological center in Canton, a few hours drive away. It was priced to start at $2k. Armed with a CD full of xrays and a packet of paperwork to give to the doctor should we decide to go to Canton the next day, Barky and I left to pick up the boys.
Then I had to leave for work, and rush to an interview for a second part-part time job (this one working from home!). It was a hectic, crappy day.
We tried everything to come up with it, but we'd already scraped together the money for his regular vet bills and couldn't begin to afford Canton. Barky wouldn't eat. He wouldn't drink. He couldn't sleep. He had an awful, awful cough. Even if we were somehow able to get a loan and pour 10 grand into him because we love him, there's no 100% chance that he'd be saved. We couldn't put him through days, weeks, months of misery just because we couldn't let go.
No, the kinder thing was to put him to sleep, and make sure he was surrounded by love right up to the end. He was only five years old, and we'd only had him a year and a half.
Sister B went with Eric and I. It was so, so hard. I thought I had it together but there was a lot of crying. They gave him back in a little box and we buried him in the backyard, right off the path he literally wore through the grass, where he loved to sunbathe. We also got a pawprint done, which he still managed to shed all over, hah.
Eric called in to work because it hurt. He and I played WoW and hung out as a family. I found this old picture from the day we brought him home and made it his desktop background, so Barky can still make Eric smile when he comes home from work.
I'm sure he started peeing on all kinds of stuff the second he got up there (sorry St. Peter), eating table scraps from the kids' feast table, and rolling around in the best rabbit poop. Probably frolicking through the cloudstuff the same way he did the snow. I'm sure he'll be helping the saints protect us, and give us a warning bark if needed. He was very good at that.
Sleep helped a little. The house feels so empty without him. I even missed his coughs last night-- the past couple weeks he would sleep under our bed instead of sneaking into the boys' or Sister B's room. The boys have started asking where Barky went, and I'm dealing with those questions as it comes. When I opened the back door earlier Oli leaned out and called for Barky. Today I need to catch up on housework (past couple days it got away from me in our grief), which includes getting rid of his mostly-full bag of food and sweeping up his puppy hair for the last time.
If all the job stuff works out, I'll try to get Eric a Corgi puppy in the fall. They're expensive so I have to save save save. It's always been his dream to have a Corgi, and Barky was everything we dreamed of and more. I've been doing some reading and I guess getting another pet a few months later helps with grief? Not going to count on it as I don't know if it'll happen, but it's an option. I miss our Barky, though. :-(
We love you, Barky. We'll always remember you. You are a good boy.